Dear Dogs:
The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years --canine attendance is not required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog's butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front door:
To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets: 1. They live here. You don't. 2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it "fur"niture. 3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. 4. To you, they are an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
6 comments:
Yay! A new post! Julie, I"m so sorry I couldn't go to Kneaders with you girls. I so wanted to! Please keep inviting me!!!
PS - if you email me a few of your favorite wedding/engagement pictures at full resolution, I can edit them and email them back! :) cristibastian@gmail.com
Love ya!
Love the new picture and that post cracked me up-"fur"niture, ha ha! I didn't know you had another dog, what kind? I talked to Elona a little bit about her shower today, but I'll mention doing it at Tim's house and see what she says. Thanks for the info.
I LOVE the statement at the bottom! It is so true. If you don't like my dog, then you don't like me. Ha ha. I might have to steal that from you!
I talked to Elona today and she was grateful that tiffany wanted to do it at her house but would prefer to do it at her own so everyone wouldn't have to drive there.
I re-did my friends on my blog and for some reason it wont let yours on. Weird. I just wanted to tell you so you didn't think I took you off on purpose. What's your phone number so we can chat about the shower?
Nevermind, you're on my blog list again.
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